As a mental health therapist, my work is deeply intertwined with my personal journey—one shaped by a complex relationship with Christianity, lived experiences, and a profound commitment to advocacy. This blog post invites you to explore the roots of my practice, the challenges I’ve faced, and why I believe mental health therapy is crucial in navigating the intersections of faith, identity, and emotional well-being.
My Early Relationship with Christianity
Growing up in a queer household during the 1980s was, in many ways, a unique and formative experience. My father, his partner, and my mother shared a home in a time when such arrangements were far from socially accepted. This non-traditional family structure was set against the backdrop of a conservative Christian community, where I was constantly exposed to conflicting messages about love, sin, and morality.
Christianity played a significant role in my early life, not just as a religion but as a cultural force that dictated much of what was considered acceptable or sinful. The teachings I encountered often painted a stark picture of right and wrong, with little room for the nuances of human experience. As a child, I struggled to reconcile the love I saw in my home with the condemnation I heard in church. This dissonance planted the seeds of curiosity and doubt that would later become central to my professional path.
A Journey Through Religious Trauma and Queer Identity
My journey took a significant turn when I attended a religious conversion conference as a young queer woman. The experience was both eye-opening and deeply distressing. It highlighted the extent to which religious institutions can contribute to what is now recognized as religious trauma—emotional and psychological harm caused by religious teachings and practices. Dr. Marlene Winell, who coined the term “Religious Trauma Syndrome,” has extensively researched this topic, showing how individuals exposed to fundamentalist and dogmatic religious environments often struggle with anxiety, depression, and complex PTSD.
This experience forced me to confront the deep-seated fear and shame that many in the LGBTQ+ community face due to religious condemnation. It was a pivotal moment that pushed me to question the role of religion in shaping our identities and mental health.
Why I Chose Mental Health Therapy
The pain and confusion I experienced growing up and during my young adulthood led me to seek answers through academic and clinical avenues. I pursued an MA in Theology from Loyola Marymount University and an MSW from Long Beach State University, where I began to merge my understanding of theology with the principles of psychology. This academic background equipped me with the tools to explore the intersections of faith and mental health, particularly as they relate to marginalized communities.
I became a mental health therapist because I wanted to provide a space where individuals could explore their identities—sexual, religious, or otherwise—without fear of judgment. My goal has always been to offer culturally sensitive, trauma-informed care, especially for those who have been harmed by the very institutions that were supposed to offer them comfort.
The Role of Christianity in Mental Health
Christianity, like any major religion, has the power to both heal and harm. For many, faith is a source of comfort, community, and resilience. Studies have shown that spirituality can enhance mental health, providing a sense of purpose and belonging that can be particularly beneficial during times of crisis. Researchers like Dr. Kenneth Pargament have extensively studied the positive aspects of religious coping, emphasizing how spirituality can be a resource for individuals facing significant life challenges.
However, when religious teachings are rigid, exclusionary, or condemnatory, they can become a source of significant mental distress. This dual nature of religion is evident in the mental health outcomes of LGBTQ+ individuals who grow up in conservative Christian environments. Dr. Ilan Meyer’s Minority Stress Theory, which examines the chronic stress faced by marginalized groups, is particularly relevant here. His research highlights how external stressors, such as discrimination and internalized homophobia, contribute to adverse mental health outcomes.
In my practice, I’ve seen firsthand the damage that religious condemnation can inflict. Clients often come to me burdened with shame, guilt, and confusion, struggling to reconcile their faith with their identity. My role as a therapist is to help them navigate these complex emotions, offering tools for healing that are both psychologically sound and respectful of their spiritual beliefs.
Engaging in Compassionate Therapy
One of the most significant challenges I’ve faced as a therapist is cultivating compassion for those who hold beliefs fundamentally different from my own. This was a central theme in my recent conversation with Dr. Shawn Hondorp on her podcast, where we discussed how to approach therapy with an open heart, even when dealing with clients who may see the world through a very different lens.
In the podcast, we explored the importance of understanding the evangelical Christian approach to LGBTQ+ identities. While it’s easy to dismiss these views as outdated or harmful, it’s crucial to remember that many who hold these beliefs do so out of a genuine, if misguided, desire to do what they think is right. My job as a therapist is not to change their beliefs but to help them understand the impact those beliefs have on themselves and others.
Dr. Hondorp and I also discussed the common pitfalls therapists can fall into when working with LGBTQ+ clients. One of the most significant is the failure to recognize and address the deep-seated trauma that often accompanies religious condemnation. Therapists must be equipped with the knowledge and skills to provide affirming, supportive care that acknowledges the client’s entire experience—including their faith.
Expanding the Scope of Therapy
My approach to therapy goes beyond traditional talk therapy. I believe in integrating various methods, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), sex-positive frameworks, and psychodynamic insights, to create a holistic approach to healing. For example, when working with clients who have experienced religious trauma, I often incorporate narrative therapy, as developed by Michael White and David Epston, to help them rewrite their stories in a way that empowers them and affirms their identity.
I also draw on the work of Esther Perel, whose exploration of relationships and intimacy offers valuable insights into the dynamics of love and desire, particularly in non-traditional contexts. Her perspectives on the tension between autonomy and connection have deeply influenced my work with clients navigating the complexities of ethical non-monogamy and other alternative relationship structures.
In my upcoming book, Her Own Terms, I delve deeper into these methods, exploring how women can reclaim their sexual autonomy and mental well-being in the face of societal and religious pressures. The book is a culmination of my personal and professional experiences, offering readers a roadmap to navigate the complexities of modern female sexuality with confidence and joy.
The Future of Mental Health and Faith
As mental health professionals, we have a responsibility to stay informed about the cultural and religious contexts in which our clients live. This is especially true for those of us working with marginalized communities, where the intersection of faith and identity can be particularly fraught. I am currently developing Continuing Education Units (CEUs) that focus on ethical non-monogamy, sexual empowerment, religious trauma, and queerness. These courses are designed to equip therapists with the skills and knowledge they need to provide inclusive, affirming care that respects the diverse experiences of all clients.
The work of scholars like Dr. Lisa Diamond, who has extensively researched sexual fluidity and the ways in which sexual identities can change over time, is also critical to understanding the complexities of human sexuality. Her research challenges binary thinking and underscores the importance of flexibility and openness in therapeutic practice.
Final Thoughts
My journey to becoming a mental health therapist has been shaped by my experiences with Christianity, my personal identity, and my commitment to advocacy. I believe that mental health care should be a space where all individuals—regardless of their faith, sexuality, or background—can explore their identities and heal from past traumas.
If you’re interested in learning more about my work or connecting with me directly, I encourage you to listen to my recent conversation with Dr. Shawn Hondorp on her podcast. You can also stay updated on my upcoming book, courses, and other projects by signing up for my email list
Thank you for being part of this journey toward greater understanding and inclusivity.
